I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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