All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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