Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
