I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
