i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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