apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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