not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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