and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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