Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
