I need help removing her.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
