I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
