I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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