How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
