Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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