I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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