Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
