no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
