Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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