The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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