After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
