Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
