I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
ttyl tear gas
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
