is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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