I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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