As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
