u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
