The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
