your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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