I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
