Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I want to walk on stilts...naked
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
