No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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