sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
