dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
organizing the empties. That sober.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
