I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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