I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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