I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
