This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
