Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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