I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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