Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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