Betty ford says i'm here all night
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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