My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
