Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
