Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
