ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
