New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
