Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
