I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
