After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
