You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
