is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
