My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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