am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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