wanna go halves on a baby?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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