New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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