I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
