We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
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They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
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After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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