dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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