You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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