it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
