I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
