So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
